Pre-Midlife Crisis

The reason this is titled the way it is, is because I’m not old enough to be having a midlife crisis, but I imagine this is what it would feel like anyway. Earlier I was trying to take a nap and after half an hour of limited shut-eye, I had a disturbing revelation, though not one I haven’t thought about before, but this time it felt as honest and true as anything I’ve ever felt.

I don’t want to be at my current job for the rest of my life.

If the last year and a half have taught me anything, it’s that I love editing and correcting people’s grammar, but it’s been nothing but a rollercoaster, and not the fun kind either. This has been the kind of rollercoaster that jerks you around and makes you want to vomit at every turn. Not for the first time, I thought, god, I’m bored with this tediousness. The same crap day in and day out, never knowing what to expect in the morning work-wise, and not getting paid enough for some of the bullshit I have to deal with. It’s exhausting. I just don’t feel like I can do it anymore.

More of the people I like working with have already left or are leaving soon and I’m down to maybe three people I actually like to work with because we communicate better than the new people. We’re being sent regular emails about how to improve our “efficiency” or new changes to something, even though we just changed it a few weeks ago. Most recently, we got a harsh email about a spelling mistake in one of our forms, and what’s ironic about that, the person who sent it, as the head of our department, made an error in the first sentence of his email. Ridiculous, right?

I’m not sure how much longer I can suck it up and deal with this nonsense. But I also don’t want to lose my only source of income and I don’t know how my family will take the news. I’m not even sure they will support me if I decide to leave.

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Author: Valentina Wolfe

A self proclaimed nerd, anxiety sufferer, and lover of all things Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter. Enjoys writing, listening to music, reading, and gaming in my spare time. Also hanging out with one or two close friends.

4 thoughts on “Pre-Midlife Crisis”

  1. The only way to find out is to talk to them about it. Definitely expect any form of a reaction from support to them asking what you’ll do. They may even suggest going back to school or taking online classes for something small. It sucks, I know, but the job market is absolutely awful, especially if you don’t want to deal with people.

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    1. Dad actually did ask me what I would do if I quit and said this was a decision I needed to make for myself. I told him I honestly didn’t know what I would do and I was trying very hard not to cry because this is very scary for me. I’ve been comfortably stable for four and a half years, but bored and mentally numb for almost two years. I’m terrified to take a leap of faith and see what happens.

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      1. Well, before you make the executive design to quit, make sure you have cushion to fall on (savings wise) or have another job lined up. I know you’re already doing that, but it’s the safe bet so you don’t run short on cash.

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      2. I’m not planning on quitting just yet. Just because I fill out an application doesn’t mean I’ll get the other job. Plus if I stick it out until September, I’ll have made it five years at this job.

        Liked by 1 person

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