Taking the Plunge

I finally called and made an appointment to see my doctor about several things including my anxiety. The others include possibly getting back on birth control to help a hormonal imbalance that could be causing some painful new PMS symptoms (migraines to be exact) and a breast examination for my own peace of mind. I’m not sure whether there is something wrong but knowing that breast cancer runs in my family, I felt alarmed enough to make a call this morning to get in tomorrow morning to get it checked out. That alone is super scary for me, especially considering I’ve always been pretty healthy my whole life. And with my cousin being diagnosed with uterine cancer last year, it just feels like I’m in that particular age range to be susceptible and that scares me.

I’ll admit, I just took a couple minutes to frantically scan different sites and different symptoms to try and reassure myself, and my best friend is also trying to calm me down by telling me it’s not likely anything to worry about. And for now, at least, I now feel good enough to let go of all the worries and wait until tomorrow to see what happens. It won’t do me any good worrying about it tonight.

So with the possibility of getting diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I copied the list of triggers for me from one of my last posts to have on my phone for when I’m asked, and also some notes about when specifically I’ve been getting these possibly hormone-related migraines. I’ve had migraines before, or possibly stress induced tension headaches, but I’ve never had the “aura” I always read about. Just when it’s really bad, I have an extreme sensitivity to light and sound, and I already have some light sensitivity most likely from the light color of my eyes (no idea whether that’s true or not). As I was making this list of dates and what seemed to provide relief, I noticed a definite pattern. That they all happened around the same days of the month, with the exception of one, but as it was the starting point and I wrote down exactly what happened, I can assume there was a slight shift in hormones that can account for the difference in the dates. Not surprising, since I’ve been monitoring them since September, but annoying nonetheless. And since I’ve also used birth control before to regulate my hormones, my hope is that getting back on it might make these migraines go away or at least a little more bearable. Especially since next week I’ll be traveling and not at home where I’m best prepared for it.

I’m a little scared about discussing my anxiety openly as well, mostly because I’ve never really done so in any great detail and I’m afraid of being told it’s nothing and to “lay off the caffeine,” which I’m not on. The only thing I usually take that has any caffeine in it is my PMS meds when my cramps are unbearable, and they’re usually not too bad. Plus I haven’t quite connected with this doctor yet like I did with my previous one, who moved to a different clinic, which forced me to have to find a new one on the fly. But so far, when I’ve gone to see her, her diagnoses have been accurate. First a sinus infection, and then the decision to send me to physical therapy to see if they could help with some minor pain in my knee, which led to the notion that it wasn’t actually my knee hurting, but something in my hip and after a week of some recommended hip exercises, I’m at a point where I barely even notice the knee pain I was having earlier. So as it stands, she’s two for two. Granted, my hip hurts a little more, but I guess when you’re trying to strengthen some muscles you didn’t know needed strengthening, a little pain is to be expected.

So yeah, tomorrow I am finally taking the plunge to see about doing what needs to be done to help me be a better me. Or to at least get some unanswered questions answered, hopefully. This being an adult sucks sometimes.

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Author: Valentina Wolfe

A self proclaimed nerd, anxiety sufferer, and lover of all things Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter. Enjoys writing, listening to music, reading, and gaming in my spare time. Also hanging out with one or two close friends.

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